DeAnne Smith’s Nerdy Love Song is just the cutest love song ever

I wanna be your abacus baby
You can count on me
And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you
But I will say less than 3
I less than 3 you

Your molecules must be moving really quickly
’Cause boy, you’re hot.
Are you igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary?
All I know is, baby, you rock.

If God existed, I’d thank him for you
But I’m rational and i read (a lot of) Sam Harris
You’re beautiful like the font of Garamond
But I wanna see you sans serif

I wanna be your abacus baby
You can count on me
I observe your quarks oscillating,
And I’m formulating a g-string theory

I’m an archaeologist and I’m gonna compute your age,
Yeah, I’m wanna absolutely date you
You make me feel like a male giraffe
I wanna nudge your rump, make you urinate
And mate you (that’s what they do)

The value of my love for you
Cannot be expressed exactly
It’s more irrational than pi
Hey, “F*ck” is a legitimate word in Scrabble, just FYI

I wanna be your abacus baby
You can count on me
You can suck me into the supermassive black hole
At the center of your galaxy

I may not be the biggest or strongest
But my knowledge of grammar shines
I know how to use the words further and farther correctly
Every freaking time

Farther indicates physical distance
And further a depth or degree
Example: the moon is getting farther from the earth
About 4 centimeters annually

Example: you just keep getting further into my heart
Wait: you just keep getting farther into my heart
No, wait: you just keep getting further into my heart
Hang on: you just keep getting farther into my heart

I wanna be your abacus baby
You can count on me
If the situation is ambiguous
Further and farther can be used interchangably

I wanna be your abacus baby
You can count on me
And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you
But I will say, I less than 3 you

DeAnne Smith – Nerdy Love Song

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